Posts Tagged ‘work’
The Sick and the Sappy
Oh shit…I’b thick. I’b tho thick. I can’d dop deezing.
This…kind of sucks. My voice sounds like Barry Manilow if he were wearing that nose cap that Rudolph’s dad made him wear to hide his red nose.
Essentially: I sound like Henry Kissinger.
Needless to say, taking phone calls at work has been an absolute blast
Phone: rrrrrrRRIIINNNNGG!
Self: Good [...]
Filed under: Speedle Antics, That Time I Got Drunk, work shmurk | 1 Comment
Tags: bulls head, cold, dinner, love, martini, sick, sneeze, tre cugini, valentine's day, work, xo
Okay, so…just as a warning:
This post contains talk of bodily functions, sleep talking, and Twilight. Reader discretion is advised, due to the graphic nature, and general touchiness of the aforementioned topics. (Also, there may be some talk about work)
I finally had my 90 day review at work. I’ve actually been employed at this company for [...]
Filed under: Speedle Antics, work shmurk | 2 Comments
Tags: 90 days, bodily functions, bones, breaking up, dictionary, discretion, glass, merriam, midnight sun, pee, review, sleep talking, stephenie meyer, twilight, vampires, webster, work
I was three hours late to work this morning. Afternoon. Whatever. Fuck time.
Why?
Because MY name’s Jesse, and I’m an alcoholic.
Ok, not really. But I’m pretty sure, last night, I drank an amount of alcohol that could have gotten all of Napa Valley thoroughly inebriated. I know I know, on [...]
Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment
Tags: alcoholic, christmas tree, drinks, fuck time, gay sex, late, procrastination, real copper penny, rumples, tarot, tarot readings, tequila, work
Not In the Whole Wide Bed…
Remember that time I said I have the largest, most comfortablest bed in the whole most widest world?
Well it’s true!
The last two nights, I have been absolutely comatose in my sleep. Well, minus the weird dreams where I’m trapped in someone’s sexual castle and must escape while saving my friends, simultaneously fighting [...]
Filed under: What the boff?, work shmurk | 1 Comment
Tags: Add new tag, bed, cubicle, dreams, dreary, email, ex, funny, gray, office, thanksgiving, the receptionist, typing, witty, work
White Stuff
I woke up late today. Why? I don’t know…one of my two alarms didn’t go off. But I wasn’t worried about being late…oh no. Being late doesn’t matter all that much. WHEN THE WORLD IS COVERED IN SNOW.
As I was waking up, Speedle shook me and said something like “Jesse! Snow! Lots of [...]
Filed under: What the boff?, work shmurk | 1 Comment
Tags: accidents, aflac, bella, deep conversations, drag queens, driving, edward, ice, insurance, japanese, lady part, michigan, penis, sex, snow, sparkles, sphincter, twilight, vampires, work
In Peeing Color
Dear Intrawebz,
My life is boring.
Love,
Jesse
P.S. I really have nothing too exciting to talk about. But, today’s work day has been sort of entertaining. At least, to me and The Receptionist. All I’ve really done today is track down foreigners (I don’t understand why all of them are coming to my hospitals! Grand Rapids is not [...]
Filed under: work shmurk | 4 Comments
Tags: bugs bunny, cigarette, coffee, color, email, paper dolls, work, xbox
A Whole New Kind of Terrorism
I have a love/hate relationship with beds. Beds can be wonderful wonderful things, I will not deny this. They are great for things such as such as sleeping, relaxing, using as an extra shelf, sex, impromptu kitty beds. However, there is one main thing that I hate about beds, and that involves moving them.
See, [...]
Filed under: work shmurk | Leave a Comment
Tags: bed, computer, crash, denmark, india, mattress, monitors, moving, saw, sex, work
Clue Me In, Lois Lowry.
Last night, a man told me I was beautiful in the bathroom.
Re-reading that sentence, and my poor grammar, made me think of Clue (one of my favorite movies of all time. Jesse Trivia Point numero ichi)
Ms. White: He was deranged! He had threatened to kill me in public.
Ms. Scarlet: Why would he want to kill [...]
Filed under: What the boff?, work shmurk | Leave a Comment
Tags: 1986, clue, ewam, exboyfriend, life, lois lowry, overtime, stupid, the giver, work
Play by Play and Childhood
Right. So.
That didn’t work.
The overtime, I mean.
So far today:
12:00am: cuddling with Speedle, watching The Office
12:37am: still cuddling. Still watching.
12:42am: my cat decides to leap from the coffee table to the love seat. He miscalculated the amount of force and the amount of traction his little padded feet [...]
Filed under: Family Fun Times, work shmurk | 1 Comment
Tags: amputee, blood, calvin and hobbes, car accident, childhood, cuddling, dad, dreams, jack bauer, jobs, kiefer sutherland, late, leo, mail man, milf, mom, overtime, planes, sex, sleep, the office, threesome, virginity, work
Over-what!?…ew.
Um, hi.
So…big problem.
Monstrous problem.
So huge, i might be freaking out right now.
I just got put on overtime.
Now now, I know that’s not the worst thing ever…but you don’t understand. Overtime doesn’t mean i get to stay later in the day…it means i have to come in earlier. Do you know what that is? Cruelty. Cruelty [...]
Filed under: work shmurk | 1 Comment
Tags: death, destruction, doom, fuck, overtime, work
