The Post That Took Over Time (but not space)

10Nov08

Dear Innernet,

We have much to talk about. I’ll go first.

I have officially reclaimed my status as Best Boyfriend Ever. This is cause for great celebration. Possibly a parade. Or a fancy hat at the least.

I’m going to try and run through all the events of the last weekend in chronological order. (please [...]

Filed under: Speedle Antics, That Time I Got Drunk   |  1 Comment
Tags: 21st birthday, Alexandria, ass, bar, best boyfriend ever, butt sex, cab, candy, chinese buffet, cock, cold, cute, dick, drag queens, drama, drunk, dumb straight guy, exotic, gay, glue, ipod, Jayda, licking, life, love, picture, picture frame, presents, resse's, sexy, shots, shoulder, snow, speedle, strangers, suck, superman, wine

Meow-Bama

05Nov08

Various things that have happened since my last post:
 
·          Dressed up as Woody
·          Prevented Jesus (Speedle) from being fondled by somebody dressed as Lieutenant Dangle (Reno 911)
·          This may have meant I waved a pool cue in his face and shouted things like “BACK OFF DANGLE!”
·          Got fondled by a judge, a motocross biker, a [...]

Filed under: Family Fun Times, I Should Be Embarassed..., Speedle Antics, That Time I Got Drunk, work shmurk   |  2 Comments
Tags: barack, barack obama, birthday, dangle, fuck, holland, jesus, lost, meow, meow meow babies, obama, otooles, presents, reno 911, rock band, speedle, voicemails, woody

Tuxedo Piggy Mask

14Oct08

um.
I don’t know what to write about.
Speedle suggested Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask. Well, more specifically the “sexiness” of Tuxedo Mask.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Tuxedo Mask is attractive, but i’m not sure if I would go so far as to call him sexy. I mean…If i’m being attacked by monsters from some alternate universe, [...]

Filed under: What the boff?   |  1 Comment
Tags: speedle, ewam, tuxedo mask, pork rinds, piggy, pig, pork, rind, salt, computer, self, sailor moon

Pickle Stickle

25Sep08

Have you ever had a moment where an insult just completely backfires?
 
Not even just an insult, but those moments when you’re trying to be quick witted and funny and you just Fuck It Up. I find them hilarious, unless they happen to me. Somehow, I’m usually able to back pedal and pull myself out of [...]

Filed under: Speedle Antics   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: anger, brain, cyclist, insult, speedle

Dake Care Ob Be!

24Sep08

Yesterday, Speedle died.
 
No, I did not kill him. (No, he’s not actually dead.)
 
But he is infected! I was hoping it was going to be like Resident Evil, where a crazy parasitic monster thing would make him go all crazy. Then his head would explode and I would pull out my gun (I don’t have [...]

Filed under: Speedle Antics   |  2 Comments
Tags: bird flu, birthday, clay aiken, disease, ewam, infection, leo, plague, poop, sickness, snot, speedle, tags

It’s Just a Little Nipp(l)y In Here…

22Sep08

I might just have to kill Speedle. Fo’ realz. Not kidding.
 
All of the Greater Gay Grand Rapids area has seen me shirtless, now. I do believe. I mainly blame Speedle. Granted, some of them have seen my bare torso from relationships and trysts, which is fine. I CHOSE to show them. Speedle…has MADE me. [...]

Filed under: I Should Be Embarassed...   |  3 Comments
Tags: bar drag queen, embarassed, gay, mother, nipple, penis, sleep, speedle

Please Return to the Mothership

18Sep08

So, after the last post, and a conversation I had with my mother last night (if you can call these detached, fragmented, mostly noise making sessions ‘conversations’) I felt it was necessary to devote another post to her!
 I don’t see my mother often, but there is ALWAYS a fun story to tell, so expect to [...]

Filed under: Family Fun Times   |  1 Comment
Tags: drunk, family, mother, retarded, rum, speedle, thinning shears