The Winter of My Discontent…and the Mafia

22Dec08

Hey Mother Nature!? QUIT IT!

Seriously!

I don’t like it.

Ok, intrawebz…Mother Nature is seriously starting to piss me off. Like…a lot. Why? Because she thinks that JUST because I live in West Michigan, it’s ok to just take a giant white dump all over the place. Look at this.

We got a [...]

Filed under: What the boff?   |  1 Comment
Tags: leo, phone, snow, israeli mafia, nails, shiny, buff, envy2, west michigan, blizzard, cars, stuck, bloody mary, vodka, kitty, shopping

Throng, Throngthrong Throng Throng

08Dec08

Sisqo, what?
Speedle, Alexandria, Jayda, and I all moved into a new house. After everything was moved in, we decided to have just a few people over. Unfortunately, Speedle was acting kind of strange, and kept setting bowls of soup at every place setting, even outside, for no apparent reason. We were not planning on feeding [...]

Filed under: That Time I Got Drunk   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: admirers, bar, boyfriend, cock, dirty, engaged, feed, gnome, harassment, maid, marriage, minion, nerd, penis, proposal, rancid, robot, snow, soup, suitors, the sims 2, throng, warlock, world of warcraft

Shuffle Through the Snow

01Dec08

Hello innernet! My, you look sexy today. Mm. Yes, I’m trying to make you forgive me for not posting sooner. You will forgive me, because you are one sexy, classy motherfucker.

So, I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. I did. In fact, I had TWO Thanksgivings. One with turkey, and one with duck. [...]

Filed under: I Should Be Embarassed..., That Time I Got Drunk   |  1 Comment
Tags: Amy Winehouse, coat, Death Cab for Cutie, Dido, duck, East Village Opera Company, Fiona Apple, H&M, hat, Jacques Brel, Mate of State, Muse, music, Nellie McKay, Nina Simone, No Doubt, poem, rainbows, Regina Spektor, Rilo Kiley, snow, Stabbing Westward, storm, System of a Down, t.a.t.u., Tegan and Sara, thanksgiving, the cardigans, The Fiery Furnaces, turkey, wine

White Stuff

24Nov08

I woke up late today. Why? I don’t know…one of my two alarms didn’t go off. But I wasn’t worried about being late…oh no. Being late doesn’t matter all that much. WHEN THE WORLD IS COVERED IN SNOW.

As I was waking up, Speedle shook me and said something like “Jesse! Snow! Lots of [...]

Filed under: What the boff?, work shmurk   |  1 Comment
Tags: accidents, aflac, bella, deep conversations, drag queens, driving, edward, ice, insurance, japanese, lady part, michigan, penis, sex, snow, sparkles, sphincter, twilight, vampires, work

The Post That Took Over Time (but not space)

10Nov08

Dear Innernet,

We have much to talk about. I’ll go first.

I have officially reclaimed my status as Best Boyfriend Ever. This is cause for great celebration. Possibly a parade. Or a fancy hat at the least.

I’m going to try and run through all the events of the last weekend in chronological order. (please [...]

Filed under: Speedle Antics, That Time I Got Drunk   |  1 Comment
Tags: 21st birthday, Alexandria, ass, bar, best boyfriend ever, butt sex, cab, candy, chinese buffet, cock, cold, cute, dick, drag queens, drama, drunk, dumb straight guy, exotic, gay, glue, ipod, Jayda, licking, life, love, picture, picture frame, presents, resse's, sexy, shots, shoulder, snow, speedle, strangers, suck, superman, wine

At Least it’s Not Split Pea Soup…

17Oct08

So, y’all.
 
I don’t know why, but I really like typing the word “y’all” lately. I don’t say it. I would be allowed to say it, if I so wished, given my childhood in cornfields and backwoods…but I don’t.
 
ANYWAY.
 
Y’all…I think I might have the sickness again. Alexandria just got sick…again, for the second [...]

Filed under: That Time I Got Drunk, What the boff?   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: armani, bathrooms, bird flu, cold, disease, drinks, driving, hanukkah, hate, hats, host, michigan, sickness, singing, smoking, snot, snow, speed walking, texting, the bar, vomit, work, y'all