There’s a Real Copper Penny In My Wine!

16Dec08

I was three hours late to work this morning. Afternoon. Whatever. Fuck time.

Why?

Because MY name’s Jesse, and I’m an alcoholic.

Ok, not really. But I’m pretty sure, last night, I drank an amount of alcohol that could have gotten all of Napa Valley thoroughly inebriated. I know I know, on [...]

Filed under: Uncategorized   |  1 Comment
Tags: alcoholic, christmas tree, drinks, fuck time, gay sex, late, procrastination, real copper penny, rumples, tarot, tarot readings, tequila, work

I Pod, Therefore I Am a Freak

02Dec08

I kind of liked the last ipod poem, but I thought it was too depressing, so here’s a new one!
A Letter to My Future Self

I still remember the ways that you touched me
I seek conclusion from all this confusion
You came into my life, late one night
I know I should have told you, I was [...]

Filed under: I Should Be Embarassed..., What the boff?   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: Bjork, chiropractor, Delerium, Depeche Mode, fingers, Freezepop, gay sex, healing, ipod, Jem, joints, Junior Senior, Kate Nash, Katy Perry, Margot & The Nuclear So-And-So’s, Maria Mena, Melissa Williamson, Muse, neck, Nellie McKay, Norah Jones, poem, poetry, pop, scars, scoliosis, spine, Stabbing Westward, Tegan & Sara, The Bastard Fairies, The Ditty Bops, Utada Hikaru

In Which I Shamelessly Plug Myspace…and Pizza Hut.

19Nov08

Oh…my…god.

I can’t work right now, people. I just…so…frustrated.

Cuz know what? People are stupid.

Not us, others.

So, instead of talking about work and stupid people that can’t understand that if you don’t have the right policy number, then you REALLY CAN’T BILL STUFF and you REALLY REALLY SHOULDN’T DO IT ANYWAY FOR YOU [...]

Filed under: Speedle Antics, work shmurk   |  1 Comment
Tags: cold, gay sex, myspace, pizza hut, three pounds, pasta, breadsticks, dating, relationships, beginnings, the bird and the bee, jenny owen youngs, nelly, hot in here, freezing, gin, jade empire, sky, video games

There’s a Snake In My Boot Pants!

31Oct08

So, the votes are in!
 
I am going to be Woody (Toy Story) for Halloween!
 
I shopped for all of the necessary items on Wednesday, and let me tell you…that shopping trip was exhausting. I don’t think Homunculus (my car)  liked getting turned on and off so many times.
 
Halloween USA should have had it all. [...]

Filed under: What the boff?, work shmurk   |  1 Comment
Tags: 2xist, boots, cap guns, cash register, child, childhood, children, costumes, cowboy, gay sex, guns, halloween, halloween usa, hats, indian, jesus, laser guns, meijer, Mexican, mom, native american, nipple, pull, pull string, sex, shirtless, snake, the receptionist, tj maxx, torso, toy story, toys r us, ugly shirt, underwear, vest, woody

By Avo, I’m Good…

22Oct08

So…y’know how I lost my position as Best Boyfriend Ever? (see: Anagrams Smanagrams;)
 
Y’know how I’m now the Worst Boyfriend Ever?
 
Know who’s the new Best Boyfriend Ever?
 
Speedle is. That’s right.
 
 
So! I was sitting at work yesterday, one of three people in the office (for I work later than everyone else since I know how to [...]

Filed under: Speedle Antics, What the boff?   |  1 Comment
Tags: gay, hot pants, engagement, ring, fable, fable 2, fable II, sex, gay sex, stds, pregnancy, pregnant, vido games, marriage, calvin and hobbes, silver platter, xbox 360, parallel, dog, puppy, condoms, thigh high boots, magic, perpendicular, beetles, gypsy, expressions