Not In the Whole Wide Bed…
Remember that time I said I have the largest, most comfortablest bed in the whole most widest world?
Well it’s true!
The last two nights, I have been absolutely comatose in my sleep. Well, minus the weird dreams where I’m trapped in someone’s sexual castle and must escape while saving my friends, simultaneously fighting off hormonally crazed zombies. Or being caught in miles and miles of fishing line while something awful yet unseen approaches (Hey Receptionist! Maybe it’s a whale!)
Regardless, my alarm(s) (yes, I have multiple) (no, this is not effective) fail(s) to truly wake me. Just enough so my arm will reach out and press the little “off” button, rendering the entire device useless. My bed, and blankets, are TOO comfortable. And the bed is almost TOO large. However this is NOT just because it takes over the entire room, oh no.
I’m about six feet tall. Speedle is about 6’2”. We are not short people. And yet, I woke up this morning with Speedle sideways on the bed, knee resting just under my armpit with a foot on my hip, and the other appendage…somewhere by my knee. I’m not, entirely, sure if it was a foot, knee, leg, or pancreas but….yeah…he was sideways, and I was not, but we both…fit.
Spooky, no?
Then I had to actually get out of bed, which is not an easy process when you’re tangled in limbs and miles and miles of blankets [fishing line?] and the house is freezing.
Hm, so…Thanksgiving is like, tomorrow…or something.
WHICH GIVES ME SOMETHING TO BLOG ABOUT!
See…a week ago Thursday, the 20th I received some fun emails from EWAM, which were also shared with The Receptionist. So! NOW PRESENTING…
Another Look Into Office Emails
Starring:
Jesse – as himself
The Receptionist – as herself
EWAM – as the smartest kid with down syndrome AKA himself
Setting: a rather typical office filled with dreary gray cubicles. The sounds of copiers, printers, typing, and phone prattle lull the audience into a zombie like state where even the simplest forms of entertainment (such as shiny objects) provide hours of distraction and amusement.
The employees sit and work, while losing brain-cells to the monotony. Yet, a general sense of contentment hangs in the air at the idea of Thanksgiving – a day that had just been discussed and every employee has off.
Jesse sits at his computer, minding his own business, trying to find the will to work, when he is interrupted by an email from his ex:
From: EWAM
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:43 PM
To: Jesse
Subject:
Do you know when thanksgiving is?
From: Jesse
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:44 PM
To: EWAM
Subject: RE:
A week from today.
From: EWAM
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:46 PM
To: Jesse
Subject: RE:
SO IT’S THE 28TH ?
From: Jesse
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:47 PM
To: EWAM
Subject: RE:
No. The 28th is Friday. Thanksgiving is the 27th…a week from today.
From: EWAM
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:48 PM
To: Jesse
Subject: RE:
DO WE GET THAT DAY OFF?
From: Jesse
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:48 PM
To: EWAM
Subject: RE:
Yes.
Jesse then forwards this to The Receptionist:
From: Jesse
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:50 PM
To: The Receptionist
Subject: FW:
…I don’t…I mean I—um, REALLY!?
From: The Receptionist
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:51 PM
To: Jesse
Subject: RE:
Usually things like this make me feel smarter, but just thinking about what he must be thinking makes my brain dissolve
From: Jesse
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:54 PM
To: The Receptionist
Subject: RE:
I just…how could he—how..I mean, what?
My brain just gets so confused….I could understand a time-travel paradox better than I could make sense of his brain.
From: The Receptionist
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:55 PM
To: Jesse
Subject: RE:
I agree
You should have told him no and then he would have come in
From: Jesse
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:56 PM
To: The Receptionist
Subject: RE:
I don’t think I’m THAT mean…
I’ll just sing him the copacabana
From: The Receptionist
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:57 PM
To: Jesse
Subject: RE:
He probably would have thrown a fit about not getting thanksgiving off. And then the rest of the office could be a little more aware of his lack of common knowledge.
From: Jesse
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:58 PM
To: The Receptionist
Subject: RE:
Ooo, that’s true.
Even steak n’ shake closes on thanksgiving.
From: The Receptionist
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:57 PM
To: Jesse
Subject: RE:
Lol.
I hope he knows that we have Christmas off.
Jesse then receives another email from EWAM:
From: EWAM
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:57 PM
To: Jesse
Subject: RE:
Maybe?
Jesse looks around confused, and scratches his head
From: Jesse
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:57 PM
To: EWAM
Subject: RE:
I sent you a reply that said “Yes”
From: EWAM
Sent: Thursday, November 20, 2008 3:57 PM
To: Jesse
Subject: RE:
Well I did not get a reply but ok thank you…
Jesse then sighs and shakes his head, wondering how he ever could have dated such a person.
Fin
Wasn’t that fun? I enjoyed it.
Sort of.
The worst part, is that we had truly just discussed the Thanksgiving holiday thing.
The fun part is that you can tell from my emails that I interact with real people the exact same way I write this blog. So, rest assured, I’m never trying to be funny or witty…that’s just the way I roll. Just imagine if I DID try.
Do it…
Imagine, right now…
Then comment and let me know what you think would happen…
Filed under: What the boff?, work shmurk | 1 Comment
Tags: Add new tag, bed, cubicle, dreams, dreary, email, ex, funny, gray, office, thanksgiving, the receptionist, typing, witty, work
yes i agree